Hate is a strong word. I try to achieve the impossible and remain positive most of the time. Chronic pain is one thing that deserves a good dose of hatred though.
When I think of all the reasons why I should be upset, there can only be one. My daughter. My daughter is almost five. She’s a gorgeous rocket of energy and happiness. She loves to play outside, go swimming and runs everywhere. Her most favorite thing is without a doubt jumping on a trampoline and giving cuddles. She has been begging me for roller-skates for her birthday.
Bad mom, poor mom. This post was short and a very hard truth to swallow. I can imagine that there are many parents with Fibromyalgia who feel like this. Click To Tweet
It breaks my heart when I get home from work and I have to tell her “slow down, be careful!” when she comes catapulting towards me for a goodnight hug. Most days it makes me want to resign and just be home. I would be bored out of my skull, but would most likely have far greater mobility to share with my daughter.
I feel guilty for getting annoyed when she asks for something just as I had sat down and found a comfortable position. Now I run through a list of possible ‘wants and likes’ before I sit down.
When she wakes up at night she now calls for daddy because mommy takes too long to get up. My solution? Kick daddy out of our bed every now and then and have her sleep with me. Daddy gets more sleep and I have something amazing to look at when I wake up a thousand times during the night.
Playing on the floor? Not really an option as I will most likely stay there until someone can get me back up.
Exercise means that I spend more time away from her. When I am home with her during the day I take her with me to the pool and do some aqua exercises with her. The bonus is she thinks its fun! We are considering whether she is old enough to walk a short trail run with me soon.
When she falls down my reaction is not as fast as it should be. The time before school in the morning? It’s all about daddy because mommy is still exhausted from sleeping. Not sure what to do about this one.
I will accept a world of hurt if I could just spend more quality time with her. The guarantee of good days is something written in the sand. Keep writing. xo